VampyreErotica

(Do notice that i’m writing this, while i’m angry, disappointed, and resentful. May include offence and obscene language)

I’ll tell you who is happy.
Dru was happy. WAS.
Really-really happy.
And then.. she wasn’t. Just because someone decided that teh sparkle was gone.
Well, that was it then.

Now, that really hurt. That REALLY hurt. That, mentioned before.. and the fact that.. “i really don’t want to talk to you right now”
Yes, i might be stupid, since i don’t know the cause behind it. I don’t know why it was said etc. Maybe he was just having a bad mood.
But i’m really am very.. angry atm. I took it as an attack. It felt like one.
He doesn’t want to ruin my.. happiness? HE.. ruin.. MY Happiness?! Oh, the irony.
Well, of course i’m somewhat happy. How couldn’t i be?
But he must know, that deep inside i’m ruined.
I would like to cry myself to sleep, every night. EVERY night.
My heart is broken, my head is full of depressing thoughts, my soul cries out desperately..

And he telling me, he still wants to be my friend? Wants to be my Best friend? Ohh the nerve!
If he would’ve known me half as much i thought, he would know i’m not Happy.

Yes, indeed i find comfort with K. He really is a nice guy. Something might work out. And guess what.. i hope it does.
Because right now… i believe i have never been that resentful… EVER.
And because of that.. i really hope that i can get G out of my head and my heart.. for good.

Fuck. The. Past.

I’m really going to keep my promise to M now. .. Never to get back together with him.

Argh!

I can’t even believe how mad i am.

Who does he think he is?

FUCKFUCKFUCK.
Argh, i would yell out as loud as i could.. all the dirty, obscene words in different languages i know. I need to hit something.

I would like to strangle someone. Anyone.

You wouldn’t like to meet THAT mad Dru in a dark alley. Not even during a day.

*HITS SOMETHING REALLY HARD*

“You are cute, and everyone loves you. You are a best friend that no one takes the chance of losing. You never hurt feelings and seldom have your own feelings hurt. Life is a breeze. You are witty and calm most of the time. Just keep clear of backstabbers and you are worry-free.”

http://www.romantic-lyrics.com/cartoonquiz.shtml

Ma loodan, et Roger ei pahanda. (Tema projekt naistega)

“Tule taevas appi” on siis minu üligeniaalne projekt, mille raames ma tahan tunnistada kõigile, et Eestis leidub idioote. Ja neid on jalaga segada. Kogu lugu seisnebki selles, et ma mängin reidis mängu nimega “Vali Mind”, kus ma esitan tavapäraste “kirjelda end, musike” küsimuste asemel küsimusi, mis nõuavad natuke oma ajude liigutamist (või noh, eelkõige nende olemasolu). Vastused on toodud täiesti muutmata kujul.

Niisiis:

Küsimus: Kes oli Eesti eismene president? Mitte riigipea, aga president?
Vastus: Lennart Meri

Mees nr1: ei maleta
Mees nr2: Vastus puudub
Mees nr3: ausalt,ma pole kahjuks nii haritud.igatahes sina see ei olnud

—
Küsimus: Kes või mis on Rewal?
Vastus: Tallinn, enne kui taanlased selle vallutasid

Mees nr1: kle ma ei tea
Mees nr2: tallinn
Mees nr3: Brr, pole aimugi

—
Küsimus: Kumb on õige, kas “kogu aeg” või “koguaeg” ?
Vastus: Kogu aeg

Mees nr1: koguaeg…ma tahan koguaeg leida siit mängust uusi tutvusi…
Mees nr2: Kogu aeg
Mees nr3: kodu ja aed

—
Küsimus: Kes kirjutas Eesti hümnile muusika?
Vastus:

Mees nr1: oli üks mees,,.
Mees nr2: ohh kes seda teab:)
Mees nr3: paacius miks selline küsimus

—
Küsimus: Eesti hümni teise salmi esimene rida?
Vastus: “Sa oled mind ju sünnitand..”

Mees nr1: Sa oled mind ju sünnitand ja üles kasvatand.
Mees nr2: aaga palun “ja üles kasvatand”
Mees nr3: Sa oled mind ju sünnitand..

—
Küsimus: Mis aastal iseseisvus Eesti? Lisa ka kuupäev, kui tead.
Vastus: 20. august, 1991

Mees nr1: Vastus puudub
Mees nr2: 1991, 24 veebruar oli äkki…
Mees nr3: Vastus puudub

—
Küsimus: Millal toimus Jüriöö ülestõus
Vastus: 23. aprill, 1343

Mees nr1: kahjuks ei mäleta?SRY?
Mees nr2: 23 aprill
Mees nr3: 23 aprill vis ega mina ka ei tea
—

Okei, ma ei viitsi rohkem

See on nüüd ametlikult minu kõige-kõige lemmikum pilt. EVER.
Nojah, ise tegin, ma tean. Aga.. Hedo on lihtsalt niii ilus.. ja siis see sein ja trepp ja uks …

I just realized i was writing in Estonian. Ah, what the heck..

January–I kicked
February–I loved
March–I did the Macarena with
April–I played with
May–I choked on
June–I murdered
July–I sang to
August–I had lunch with
September–I danced with
October–I smoked
November–I yelled at
December–I ran over

Kuupäev, millal sündisid..

1—– –a paperclip
2—– –a monster
3—– –a phone
4—– –a fork
5—– –a gangster
6—– –a Mexican
7—– –my cell phone
8—– –my dog
9—– –my best friend’s boyfriend
10—– –my neighbor
11—– –an ipod
12—– –a banana
13—– — chuck
14—– –an animal
15—– –a goat
16—– –a pickle
17—– –your mom
18—– –a spoon
19—– –myself
20—– –a football player
21—– –a ninja
22—– –a fireman
23—– –a noodle
24—– –a squirrel
25—– –a baseball
26—– –my sister
27—– –my brother
28—– –my science teacher
29—– –a permanent marker
30—– –a lama
31—– –A homeless guy

..ja millist värvi pluusi sa kannad hetkel.

White—– -Because I was high.
Black—– –Because that’s how I roll.
Pink—– —Because I’m NOT homosexual.
Red—– —-Because the voices told me to.
Blue—– —Because I’m sexy and do what I want
Green—– -Because I hate myself.
Purple—– -Because I’m cool.
Gray—– —Because I was drunk
Yellow—– -Because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
Orange—-Because I hate my family
Other—– –Because that’s how I roll
None—– -Because I cant control myself

Pange nüüd fraasid kokku ja mis lause saate?

PEALE SEKSI:

JÄÄR:
“Uuesti!”

SÕNN:
“Syya…”

KAKSIK:
“Kus pult on?”

LÕVI:
“Ma olin fantastiline onju?!”

VÄHK:
“Kuna me abiellume?”

NEITSI:
“Tõuse yles!, linad peab ära vahetama”

KAALUD:
“Mulle meeldis kui sulle ka meeldis”

SKORPION:
“Oota, otsin võtme ja
teen käerauad lahti…”

AMBUR:
“Ma helistan sulle…”

KALJUKITS:
“Anna enda telefoni nr”

VEEVALAJA:
“Uuesti, aga ilma riieteta!”

KALAD:
“Oota, mis su nimi oligi?”

I did the Macarena with chuck because i’m sexy and do what i want
Pieces after sex: “Wait, what was your name?”
rofl.
Well, i must say, that i tend to remember the names of my sex partners xD
But a funny thing, nevertheless.

So, leave a comment with your’s! ;D

Hah, i must say that.. people actually are RIGHT!
About what?
Sex

For those, who don’t know: i didn’t think much of sex. I didn’t really see all the fuss around it.
But … that seems to have changed. Amazing, how one person can affect another.

Okay, you probably figured it out anyway. Yeah, i ‘got laid’ today Damn, i feel much better.
I didn’t even remember to cough xD But why the hell am i writing it here? Well, frankly, i don’t know. And i don’t give a duck’s ass what you think.

Oh yeah, talking about coughing.. damn, it seems like i’m coughing my lounges out!
I think i’ve drank like what.. 4 liters of tea today?
I’m not gonna even count the pills i’ve ate.

Kaur visited me today, since i can’t go to school. I could, but i could spread the bacterias and i would probably interrupt the class with my coughing.
No really, this is some serious shit
I think i’ve never had a cough that bad.

Ah, Kaur is sooo much fun! So free-spirited. Ah, likey-likey.

Dru | (8) let’s talk about sex, baby.. let’s talk about you and me..

So, me and Die had a major stock shooting today.
Some pictures we took (me, Kaur & my sister Joanna as models):

So. First we intended to go to the Old City, but since the weather turned against us (it started raining), we all agreed we needed something indoors. So we headed to Polymer, a old factory, used as a Culture center.
The door is usually shut, but this time it was open, so we just marched in. I thought there would be people in, because the door was open. But besides an old man, who walked around a few hours later, there was noone else but us.
Shooting was fun. I discovered that being a model is quite a hard job. I mean, if you know exactly, what you have to do (pose for a commercial with a bottle of parfume, for example), it’s not really hard. But thinking of poses and something new and interesting.. argh. I must say, my sister was far better in that. As Die said, she’s gonna be one hell of a heartbreaker, considering her poses
Kaur was fooling around, as usual. It was quite fun and enjoyable Though, when taking a picture, where his character asked my character to marry him, he made some stupid faces, and as he asked the question.. i just burst into laughing.. hysterically. xD
Overall, it was a really fun, interesting, enjoyable and funny project.

Tomorrow we’ll be shooting in the Old City, a few last pictures and costumes. Should be fun also. Especially the fact, that i’ll have to change the costumes in the middle of the city xD

Should do this more often.

Dru | Yay!

Well, teh fuzzy feeling is gone. At least for a while.
Talked to G.
Ah, how i missed that.
Even when the topic makes me sad. Makes me even wanna cry (may it be said, that i DON’T cry)..
I still want to talk to him. It makes me feel good. It makes me feel safe.. warm and good.
And though.. i would reallyreally like to pour my heart to him. Every last thing..
I can’t I’m afraid it’ll hurt to much. Him AND me.
But the urge to tell him everything… Argh! What is it with him? What’s in him that’s so special?
*sigh*
I hate feelings. Especially the ones i shouldn’t have. Or.. wouldn’t like to have. Or.. like to have..but shouldn’t have?…
*another sigh*

Argh. Should go to Tartu. Want to go to Tartu. Miss that city, those people.. and him aswell. I promised to visit. And i shall. Soon.

I guess.. my relationships couldn’t get any more confusing (for me).
No, wait.. could do.
But. The point is.. argh.

I’m just gonna go an listen to some cheesy love songs and sad music. Suits the mood.

Dru | Fuck feelings.

Now…
I’m starting to feel fuzzy inside. It’s a warm, known feeling. I like it. I would love to embrace it.
But somehow, although i want it, i want to feel in-love-feelings .. something in me forbids it.
I don’t want to pound myself with someone yet. I want to have that free-to-do-whatever-i-want-feeling.
I’m just not ready to commit myself with someone. AGAIN.
Haven’t really been *free* since … 2003.
That’s awful. Although.. i wouldn’t say i haven’t done… crazy, stupid and nasty stuff. i’ve had time for them too.
Oh, i have. Indeed i have.
If i’d know my daughter would’ve done things like i’ve done.. i..i.. well, i’d say good job. But my parents.. lol. I think my mother would faint or smth.
Anyway.

I’d really love a best friend at the moment. As in the meaning of male-best-friend.
Of course i have Deira! Gotta love her. But she’s a female. As i am.
And i would really need a male-best-friend.
Somehow.. all my past best friens have somehow.. turned into .. someone else. One just changed so, i couldn’t believe my eyes or hears.. other one, just out of nowhere told me to get lost from his life .. another one told me he’s going to kill himself .. and i haven’t heard from him since.
Hah! Oh boy.
I have a luck with them, don’t i?

*Sigh*
I miss him sooo much. i sometimes feel … the way i never have felt before.
Grief? Real grief?
I don’t know. I just know that when i look deeper into our lives.. into my life, i see that a big part is missing now.
It wasn’t his time. He was too young.

A brief candle; both ends burning
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning
A friend to share the lonesome times
A handshake and a sip of wine
So say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, present and the past
Fly on proud bird
You’re free at last.

I don’t remember where i found this poem. But i do remember, the minute i saw it, i knew it was about him, for him.
I’d like to cry. But as usual, tears just wont come out. Eyes might get a bit wet(er), but no tears.

Ah, so many unspoken words!
Take it from me, friends and unknown readers:
Every day say to your friends, family and loved ones how much you care, love and cherish them. Don’t miss a chance to see them, hug them, spend time with them.
For.. you can’t possibly know, when one of them just one day.. (let’s face the harsh word).. dies.

Dru | If tomorrow never comes.